As I was exiting the shower last night, my charming husband was sitting on the edge of the tub looking at me. I don't know what exactly it was about the look on his face, but it caused me to have a somewhat odd thought. Before I divulge that thought, let me say that it's a true testament to the strength of our relationship that my comment didn't offend or upset him in any way, shape or form. When I asked him, just now, if he was offended, he laughed. So there you have it.
My thought, and comment to him, was this: Sometimes I wonder why we're still married.
(Damn. Am I a charmer or what??)
Is it because it's easier than the alternative? I'm not the easiest person in the world to deal with - I admit that - but would it be worse to have to date again than to continue to put up with me?
Is it a habit? Are we so firmly entrenched in our little lives, and the lives of the girls, that it's not even something we think about any more?
Despite how the above sounds, I'm not having a crisis of any sort with regards to my marriage. I'm comfortable. We rarely fight. Seriously. Because fighting would take effort of some notion, and neither one of us has the energy for it. When things we disagree on come up, I've expressed my opinion, he's expressed his opinion, they're rarely the same, and that's the end of it. We are at a constant impasse - neither willing to put up the effort it would take to attempt to convince the other how right they are about this and many other things. We agree to disagree, and that's the end of it.
He made a comment, at some point, about how I overact (not overREact, mind) to make my point when he doesn't react the way I want him to. And that's totally right on the money. Basically, he doesn't take me seriously when I act like I'm upset/unhappy/whatever, so I go overboard to prove my point and try to get him to respond. You see, he's very non-reactive in the general sense. Getting him to say something, ANYTHING in most any situation is difficult. The good part about that is that by the time he gets around to mentioning that he's unhappy about something, I'm fairly certain he's ready to throttle me because it's bothered him so much and/or for so long that he's finally tired of it. And it takes a whole lot to get him to that point, which makes it very dangerous for me to have an opinion or reaction when he does say something.
Most of the time I don't handle it too well. I don't know what it is in me that can't remember that every other time I've NOT just let it go, it ended badly. It bothers me that he waits until forever to say something, then acts all pissy, so I get pissy back. Every once in a while I attempt to let it go, but it seems like if I do, he gets pissy-er, and more demonstrative about it, until I react. Perhaps I need to take another tack at this point. Maybe apologize, sympathize, perhaps get up off my butt and help him. But then I'm bothered too. It's a vicious circle. He's pissed, I'm pissed, and lots of door slamming and muttering under the breath ensues. The only thing that saves us is that he, unlike me, forgets quickly after he's gotten whatever is was off his chest.
I've been stewing over this all morning, and I think I've come to some conclusions:
First, I think we've gotten to the point where we actually like to pick fights with each other. Sadly, it has absolutely nothing to do with makeup sex, and everything to do with the fact that a reaction - any reaction - is better than indifference.
Next, I need to learn to keep my great, big motherfucking mouth shut. When he vents about not getting any help keeping the house clean, I need to remember that he actually does the laundry, and the dishes, and takes out the trash, and vacuums, and any number of other things that a lot of men don't or won't do. He's absolutely right at that point. Sure, he's as big a slob as the rest of the occupants of our household 6 days of the week, but that 7th day comes around and he eventually cleans up after himself and the rest of us. And, in truth, that would be well worth weekly venting sessions. They don't happen weekly, but it would be worth it.
Last, but certainly not least, I love my husband. Not out of habit, and not out of fear of dating, but out of knowing that I've found the one and only man that I ever want to see me naked. Just kidding. He's going to laugh when he reads that, and that right there would probably be the REAL reason why we're still together.
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